Hi guys, it feels like a century since the last time I wrote in my blog. There were so many things going on and I decided to stop writing, without noticing. At first, out if neglection, then it was just like I completely forgot about the blog. One day, little time ago, out of the blue I realized the relief and happiness I received by writing to the blog and in a way communicating with you.
So here it goes. All these years I was absent, I had happy and ungly moments. I was surrounded by losses, I divorced, I've lost friends out of fatal diseases and last year I lost my father. That was the greatest pain I've ever felt and I'm still struggling against that. Against is a hard expression. The right one is "live with that", "accept that", "continue living with that in my heart". But I don't let pain swallow me. Instead of that I connect with people who understands me, anyone, friend, family, colleaque, or a stranger. It's not certain, how you connect. It has to do with the moment..
And I help. I try to help because I want to, because I know what it feels to be helpless, to feel alone. Giving is a magical act. Kindness is a gift. Our world had become too cruel. Our way of a better living could be kindness and sharing compassion. I stop preaching right here, you don't need anyone to tell you what to do, I just share with you my personal experience.
I read, reading is a comfort, especially against (here it goes again...) loneliness. And writing, a journal, thoughts, a poem, a letter, anything is also a great comfort. I've started a journal at the age of ten and I still write from time to time. I've never, thought what a great companion and relief would be for me. I realized it recently. Phychotherapie was for me a great gift from the universe. I believe in the power of the universe. In the power of the nature. Everything is connected. We are all a piece of the universe. Everything that happens to us has a meaning for us, has a reason of happening. So thank God psychotherapie came to my life. I was afraid at first but then I said "let''s do it". I should have started a long time before panic attacks were in my soul-doorstep, but I didn't. I neglected the signs. Do me a favour, don't neglect the signs. Anyway it's been two years now, I visit my psychotherapist once a week. She is a great professional, she has helped me a lot, she says I did a great job, I say there is a long way to go. BUT I'M FEELING MUCH MUCH BETTER.
For the first time after four very difficult years, perhaps it goes far behind, I'm feeling lucky and happy. I'm not in a perfect relationship, I don't have the perfect job, money, property. But I'm happy. I have my family, my friends, my students, I have writing, I have written a series of stories and seven theatrical plays in Greek. The most important thing is that I have me. I'm connected with my soul. I hear my inner voice. I hear my needs. I notice my needs, my faults, my success. I congratulate myself, I never did that before. I hug and support my inner child and teenage girl.
Within ourselves lay three people. The child, the teenager and the adult. In order to be happy the adult should confort the child, reassure it that it's safe. The adult should listen to the teenager, hear it's needs, help resolve the questions. Try so that him/her feel safe and valuable. Surround him/her with love and forgiveness for his/her mistakes. We need to love and respect ourselves. Who can do that, better than us?
I don't know if I'll keep writing in this blog constantly. I'll try. My daily routine is too busy. Meditation became also a habit that helped me a lot. Erxercising too. I read before I sleep. I write. I teach Greek voluntarily in a school of Migrants, that was the best thing I ever did, I receive so much love and respect from them. I learn Turkish. I filled my life with activities I love. But the greatest transformation inside of me happened the moment I became an aunt. These difficult last four years was spent by my niece, who made me laugh, made me cry, made me happy, because I played with her, accompanied her, reminded me of the kid that lays inside of me, who also needs care and attention. I take care of me. I'll stand by her and all the people that surround me.
Love you guys... take care...I'll be back.
xxx.
