Good morning lovelies

ok , i admit, i have the worst mood ever. I don't know if it's better to share it with you or let it slip away. I think I'm a person who lets nothing slip away, so that will be a pain in the ass for long, if  I let it exist. It is a problem after all. It's not that if I won't say anything I'm not admitting its existance. It has to do with a fight I had with a very close friend of mine- yeah boy, it's that ever ending battle of genders different thinking. We both had bad mood, we both have unresolved matters and we ended up yelling at each other. And we supposed to know each other for so long, thus we accussed each other for things you couldn't imagine. The fact is that I'm never really prepared for a fight, I always find better ways to respond when it's late. I'm incapable of defending my ego and give strong arguments that support my position, I can't bitch in these situations and I hate myself for that. I end up being the only one saying I'm sorry. So I was being left excusing myself and defending the obvious even burst into tears when I should yell " go to hell". He said awful things to me in order not to admit that he needed my help. Instead of thanking me for helping him he accussed me of rubbing on his face my help, like he was pathetic and I was showing mercy just to play the powerful. I replied that I could have done it for long, not for one songle moment, if I was that kind of person and  was there to stand by too long and I never asked a "thanks". Perhaps that is because he passed the line. He takes me for granted. But that will stop. I don't know where our friendship goes from there. I feel dissapointed and empty. 
He is right about one thing though. My outbreak was a great chance of crying till relief, getting out many things that was torturing me and I couldn't express.  
I hope you had never met the feeling when you want to cry but there is not a single drop coming out. I had for long but yesterday it was like a rain coming. I could not stop crying and I thank him for that. But I still hate the fact that he doesn't recognise my pure feelings. I can't stand him playing the victim. Ok he has problems, all we do, that was no reason to burst his insecurities on me. I'm sorry if he feels helpless and pathetic it's not my fault, I never treated him like that, he cannot burden me with his guilds. No thank I've got mine already. That's how he sees himself not the way I see him. I always admired him and I showed that. He can rely on me instead of accusing me that I'm playing the super hero here who rescues the girl in order to rub in her face how powerful he is. He feels pathetic because he is unemployed for quite some time and my support gets him on his nerves because he feels helpless as if he has to prove something to me. He has nothing to prove. But I don't know him anymore, he caught me unprepared yesterday, I knew a whole different person. 
I wish time and distance heel the situation because I cannot stand losing what we had. 

come on tell me what you think.