19 February 2013

Thinking of meditation and other ramblings

Good morning lovabies, the sun kept only for a few hours yesterday. Raining started again. It seems we'll end up depressive because of  this shitty weather..  i try to hold on to my good mood, to as much as it's left from it. i spend a busy day with work, studying and training. i didn't give my last exam, German history and i have heard that it was quite a difficult exam. Today i have teaching, a reiki session, an appointment to my gynecologist and training again. I don't know what happens to me lately. i find comfort and shelter in training. I run, more km than i used to, i lift weights and practise pilates. My back pain has vanished (thank God!!), It might have  been the way i was sitting at the office chair.
Reiki really helps me relax and meditate. It's strange what can pump in mind during meditation. Thoughts like "i have forgot to do...", or "this gets on my nerves",  "i need a new..." . It's weird to observe your thoughts. But they tell you a lot about your mood and mental condition of the moment or day.  Try it... Sit relaxed, close eyes and let your thoughts embrace you. It may make you laugh or cry. The self sets free. It's liberating and scary some times. Other times it's inspirational. Kind of brain storming.. 
Another issue that keeps me preoccupied these days is real love. How can you tell when it's here? And if it's here, are we ready to surrender?? The word "surrender" always scared me. Does surrender attitude show strength -i'm in the position to face what comes and deal with it- or weakness? -i leave myself to you.-. I observe people lately. I have never done it in the past. I see fear in their eyes. Uncertainty. They mostly care about daily routine. Others try to have a good time and others just live. It's like we hide from each other and from ourselves. None is giving his hand to the other. None is attached to the other. We hide to the safer shelter we can find and stay there. Days come and go and we settle.. i hate settlement. But i do.. I surrender to settlement. And i hate it.  Fears and ghosts i have to fight... or surrender??
don't let my melancholy spoil your day... stay positive. smile and get out... Life is out, not in front of your pc monitor.. xoxo