Something to think about:
Remember, the only thing we have 100% control over in life is our response to what happens. We get to 100% choose what meaning we give the events of our lives.
To hold ourselves accountable for how other people feel takes us out of alignment in at least two ways:
1. We cannot control how they feel - only they can - by the meaning they give the events of their lives.
2. We take away the other person's sovereign right and free will to choose how they want to respond.
This is not to say that we should not take the other person's emotions, feelings and well-being into consideration or that we should not care about how the other person is feeling - that would be pure narcissism. We must genuinely care for the other person, and part of that caring is giving them the space, the time and the respect to let them choose how they want to interpret the events of their life.
When creating a healthy and loving relationship, it is important for two people to be able to give each other this space, and at the same time genuinely care for the other person's well-being.
The danger of not doing this is that we end up walking on eggshells depending on the emotional state of the other person, or they end up walking on eggshells around us.
No one is ever angry at us or because of us. They are angry because of how they are processing the world and then projecting that onto us. To try to make this our fault takes away our power and also takes away the power of the other person to change.
In a healthy relationship we do not take things personally, but rather share what we are feeling and going through. Sometimes we don't even need to offer to fix anything, but rather just be present and accept whatever is going on in the moment.
When we take responsibility for our emotions, we let the other person off the hook and when the people we are in relationship with do the same, we are off the hook. Then we are free to share about our experience in an open and non-judgmental format. We no longer need to take things personally and genuinely love the other person for their light and their darkness.
When we realize we are not responsible for the other person's emotions, we are free to stand in our own authentic power and expression. If this bothers the other person, we now know he or she may not be a match for us.
Let us not dim ourselves to please others. Let us shine - together.
Are you dimming yourself? How can YOU shine? Come on over to the BLOG and let' s discuss! PLUS lots of awesome TDL fam comments on the blog - come and connect!
i needed to read something like that. It's a period of my life, when it seems that a lot of things turn upside down. I feel unstable, melancholic. I hate changes when i have to lose my comfort and when i have to give up of people i love...My pilates teacher had to leave the gym, i go. After 13 years of being my trainer i had to let him go. I'm sure none would be like him. I try to cope with it..but it hurts.. i owe him all the athletic and anatomy knowledge i have.. i know i'll have a new trainer.. even if the new one is better it's not very comforting.
In this mess i lost another friend too. For a long time we have been fighting, a lot of misunderstandings came up. We come clear and then fight after a little time. This friendship might have done its circle and got to close. I hate giving up on friends. It's a loss smilar to death, i cannot stand.
There is a lot of uncertainty at work too. Wherever i go i have issues to deal with it.. it sucks..
The faculty is on strike.. exams are postponed.. But i don't have time to be happy about it.. the schedule is a mess..
so PLEASE write me something optimistic.